The Heaviest Thing We Carry

My lockscreen on both of my primary devices is of a model made by a close friend of mine; a mock-up of my future house based on plans, elevations, and axonometrics we doodled over coffee. It is the epitome of my dreams compressed in a generated image with some help from AI. I intent to frame one of the images once I am back in the US, to hang it above my bed, in front of my stationary bike, above my mirror…I want them everywhere. I need to be reminded of my dreams. It is better than any inspirational quote. It is a living, breathing future, just inches (and yet, still years) from my grasp.

My dreams are the heaviest thing I carry. They weigh on me from the moment I wake up. They shout at me as I lay in bed watching every Christopher Nolan Batman film. In order.

I think they ought to be. I think if they weren’t heavy, if they weren’t so close and yet so far, I would be far less inclined to chase them. But it’s not a matter of daily reminder. It’s a matter of daily work. Of knowing how big the dream is, and remembering how small the steps can be. How putting your running shoes at the foot of your bed is enough to start. Of recognising that consistency involves suffering, but does not have to be all suffering. Of remembering to breathe.

That’s all I have in me for now.

More soon

x

TC